I’m going to Gen X the crap out of you for the next few minutes.

Well, the Trivia night was a bit of a hoot! I didn’t snag the win because apparently putting your answer sheets in to get marked increases your chances of winning. Who knew? #thethingswelearn.

I used to freaking love my boobs.

Before kids, I had these lovely perky things that just sat there smiling at the world. I could wear halter necks/boob tubes (are they still a thing?) and walk around proudly showing off my perky puppies.

Just a reminder…

I can be a bit of a cranky old beeotch on Facebook at times.

If Norman the Wonder Woofer had social media.

Just in case you need another reminder about the farkery of social media…

I really couldn't care less how you raise your kids. As long as there's no abuse, they’re safe, loved, fed, and showered, feel free to do what you want and live your life... and I'll live mine.

Bahumbug.

I have a couple of pet peeves in my life - food jars that won't open, my hubster trying to swing a leg after I've closed my eyes for longer than two minutes, and people that don't smile back when I flash them my pearly whites.

Being a parent is really fckn hard.

Can you feel me?

Chapter one of a soon to be released advice book… just kidding, i have no freaking idea what i’m doing at the best of times x

What in the actual farkery, Mr 15?

I get the love of Birkenstocks, truly I do. I quite fancy them myself, and we've outlaid a sphincter puckering fortune on the kids' pairs #andsomeformum

Dear Diary,

My hooman family took me to Dogs in the Park in the Gong today and can i just say, it was freaking awesome.

Dear Fitted Sheet,

I know you were made with your snazzy little corners to cling to my mattress, but holy shizenhausen, you’re a little bastard to fold.

OK Mthrpluckers, do you know the songs amongst my ramblings without using Google?

‘Cause I believe people should use song lines as hashtags everywhere, #ireallydontthinkitsstrongenoughoooohhhh

I have made the wise decision NOT to repeat the below disaster in Bali on this trip... far out, how was I that stupid a few years ago??? #strollingthroughtheparkandreminiscing

I love watching people at parties and drinking parents are my absolute favourite. Over the last few years I’ve noticed these parents always end up in different categories and here are a few of my favourites:

I've been wearing one-piece swimsuits for a couple of years now.

You know how it is.

You gaze at your reflection in the mirror and stress about lifting your boobs and ample gut, wondering, "What happened, you silly dickhd?" Granted, three kids, a fondness for wine, and the aging process have taken their toll, but seriously, what tf happened?