About Fiona Coble

Just a bit of insight into who I am:

I SWEAR
I literally sprinkle swear words throughout my stories. I'm not swearing for impact or even for the gratuitous giggle; it’s just how I am. Do I swear in front of my children? Nahhhh, I try not to—although the older they get, the better they are at deciphering my constant "FFS!" mumbling.

So if you’re a Mavis, please substitute the word fck for something like 'pumpkin' or stop reading my site, ploise!

I'M A LATE BLOOMER
I used to live on the North Shore in Sydney as a champagne-swilling slapper who thought I'd end up by myself with a bunch of cats and a piss-poor attitude.

Then, surprisingly, I met a spunky fireman (***gives myself a high-five***) from Wollongong, and love gave me an absolute spanking. I moved to the ‘Gong, had three babies in three years, and slowly started losing both my sanity and the amount of fcks I gave.

I was 37 when I had my first child and heavily up the duff with my third on my 40th birthday. I'm still shocked about how my life turned out—it was completely unexpected but incredibly beautiful.

So yeah, I can be a cranky old bint with a maturity level so low that it still shocks even me.

I'M A PRETTY HAPLESS MUM
I always thought I'd be the mum that had their shit together. I DON’T AT ALL! I'm always late; it's not unusual for me to be dashing to the shops last minute to get milk/bread/cereal/tomato sauce, etc., as I don't write a grocery list, forget to return school notes, can't do hair, don't bake, always have washing, and mutter to myself too much—yada yada yada...

BUT I adore my kids, and every night they go to bed exhausted and loved, which ticks every freaking box in my opinion. #theystillshitmeatimesthough

Do I care about how you raise your kids? Nahhhh, however you do it is fine by me as long as they're loved, fed, and you're not raising mean little dckheads.

I LIKE BOOZE
This page is written by a woman (me, DURR FRED) and I like a drink. It's been suggested that I promote 'unhealthy attitudes' about alcohol ‘as a woman.’ Firstly, stop with the 'for a woman' crap, and secondly, if you're a responsible adult, then please know your own mother-farking boundaries. *If you feel like you're pushing your love of alcohol to the edge, please seek help from an expert.*

I'M A BIT OF A DCKHEAD AND LOVE TO LAUGH
Yup. I see perverse humour in most things and don't understand why people sometimes find it hard to laugh. I mean, I get it; sometimes life sucks and we all need to vent, but come on... life is better with a smile on your inappropriate dial.

MY BELIEF SYSTEM
I believe in the goodness of people, equal rights, and accepting people for whatever and whoever the fark they decide to be. Wanna love a woman? Awesome. Wanna love a man? Awesome. Wanna be a nudist with your bits flapping in the breeze? Cool McGool. Live and let live and all that jazz if you’re not hurting anyone. I don’t care, and I don’t believe you should either.

MY HUBSTER THINKS I DON'T PUT OUT ENOUGH
I just put this in to annoy him, but it's true. #poornotshaggedenoughubster

I CAN'T PLEASE EVERYONE
This is a fairly recent thing, but it's so freaking fabulous for me to finally be getting okay with it.

I'M NOT AN EXPERT AT ANYTHING
This is NOT an advice page. If anything, I think I'm a shining example of how not to behave in life: whether it's in the parenting arena or just in the 'how to live your life arena.' Honestly, most of the time, I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing.

DON'T TAKE EVERYTHING I WRITE SO LITERALLY 
If I say "I'd love to dick-punch my husband," please don't accuse me of promoting abuse. It's a joke as I'd never actually punch him in his peen... And that's another thing: please don't let the use of the word 'peen' or 'vag' or even talking about the steaming of my hooded viper blah blah blah upset you.

FASHION IS NOT MY STRONG POINT
I either go from spunky older woman to having people try and give me money to find shelter for the night. I love make-up and doing my hair, but you'll usually find me in my connies, jeans, hoodie, with messy hair and not a skerrick of make-up. Half the time small children shy away from me, so

I'M NOT A PROFESSIONAL WRITER
As much as I loved it when a guy sent me my error count on Grammarly (yup, it happened), please note that I'm not a professional writer. There will always be typos, grammatical errors, and well, stuff. Meh...

So there you go, that’s a little about me. I don’t mind if people disagree with me or indeed each other on here. But please, please, please, don’t be a pratty twatty twatwaffle and be horrid to other people on this page.

So there you go. Like me for the reality shows and my observations on life.

Or not. Either way is OK by me.

Peace, love, and mungbeans, with a healthy dose of champers, 


Fi xx 
#peaceoutfckrs