Swimsuits
I've been wearing one-piece swimsuits for a couple of years now.
You know how it is.
You gaze at your reflection in the mirror and stress about lifting your boobs and ample gut, wondering, "What happened, you silly dickhd?" Granted, three kids, a fondness for wine, and the aging process have taken their toll, but seriously, what tf happened?
So, I made the decision that a one-piece was my only option. I mean, I'm older and a tad plumper than i used to be, so it seemed like the right thing to do, given societal expectations of age-appropriate attire and all that guff
So i’ve been swanning around in a one-piece that, I swear, only accentuates the impact of wine and time #winetime. I mean, how could I expect to hide under a piece of fabric that clings as tight as a starving newborn to a milk plump tit?
A few days ago, I went camping and ended up at the beach with six girls under 17 in their teeny tiny, non-yellow-polka-dot bikinis. Lying down at the end of the group, I felt like a freaking brick being used as a bookend for Dolly magazines.
I felt every single one of my years and kilos, and let me tell you, shit went down in my head
Then, one of the other mums showed up in a bikini. Just like me, she's a mother of three, with the battle scars to prove it, and yet, there she was, absolutely fckng killing it in her bikini. I was entranced by her confidence and couldn't take my eyes off her. She even lay on her side in her bikini and didn't give a damn that her stomach bulged a little.
On her freaking SIDE!
She looked amazing, carefree, and genuinely didn't give a crap. She was just there to enjoy the day.
"Dude, I look like I'm 24 weeks pregnant, but who cares?" she laughed.
And a lightbulb switched on in my head, followed by a pang of regret.
Regret that I've spent the last few years of beach days hiding under a one-piece.
Regret that I've preached the virtues of body positivity to my girls while feeling negative about my own body.
Regret that I sigh at my naked self.
Regret that life is passing me by, and the simple joy of going to the beach has made me self-conscious.
Regret that i don’t always believe my hubster when he has the look of lust when i’m feeling fugly
So, I rummaged through my closet and retrieved a couple of bikinis. I walked out to the kids and asked, "Hey kids, what do you think?" while standing there thinking about how much i need to get laser done again. Miss 12 smiled and said, "You look gorgeous, Mum!" Miss 14 and Mr. 15 nodded in approval, and that was that. They didn't care; it was just "Mum in her swimmers."
I told the Hubster I was going to start wearing bikinis again, and he simply said, "Yeah, sounds good." #onyahubster
No one gasped in horror; no one cared. How have I wasted so many self-obsessed thoughts in my head?
So now, it's bikini time beeotches!
Toodlepips for now; I'm off to the beach with a book, "The Tattooist of Auschwitz," offering me a bit of perspective on life.
Life is short, wear the bikinis and do whatever tf you want to make it fun
I'll be at the beach, confidently wearing my bikini, and who knows, I might even lay on my side.
Fi xx
