Just a reminder…
Just a reminder…
I can be a bit of a cranky old beeotch on Facebook at times.
And here’s just a few things that drive me to Batshit Crazy town at 412 miles an hour:
If you have something wrong with you and need to go to a hospital PLEASE DON’T just check-in with a sad face expecting me to sympathise with you.
IF I DON’T KNOW WHATS WRONG HOW THE FARK CAN I KNOW IF I SHOULD BE CONCERNED? IF YOU’RE SHARING SHIT, SHARE IT ALL! I want the x-rays, blood work, a cast of symptoms and what medication you’re taking so I can hit up Dr Google
I can’t just sympathise without a full explanation. For all I know, you could have broken a leg or your early years of unprotected promiscuity has caught up with you with a dose of some itchy foofa clap type manky thing.
So don’t just do a check-in at hospital, let me know EXACTLY what the fck is wrong with you so I can be genuine with my concern.
Share with us all or not at all.
If you’ve had a fight with your bestie don’t just write stupid shite like “oooh, feeling sad...you just can’t trust people” and then not respond when people say “oooh babes, hope you’re ok” For fucks sake, I need to know details of this too!
If it’s Louise the cranky bitch and she shagged your bloke, then let us all know so we can face-stalk her to make bitchy, judgie comments too. If you’re just lashing out because Tammy drank the last of your chardy, maybe we all need to discuss your concerns and the actual depth of your friendship circle.
Come on, clue us in a little and stop this passive aggressive bollocks.
If you’re selling a product on Facebook, I get it, honestly I do. Just don’t do the whole “pm me” crap because you’re too ashamed of what you’re selling or you’re trying trap me all night in a room full of dodgy skincare consultants.
If I get a “I’ll pm you babe!” it makes my sphincter tighten in fear as I’m not sure if you’re a Tupperware zombie or if you’re selling porn star vibrators. You literally turn me off with this secretive crap.
If you’re selling stuff, be proud of it and freaking tell me publicly what you’re trying to get me to buy. If not, take your secretive little $19.95 nipple clamps with a clitoral stimulator attachment and sell them to someone else.
If you’ve broken up with your guy/girl, please don’t just make some random change to “single” in the relationship status with sudden revenge booby selfies and deep philosophical quotes. Tell us what happened as we all got quite attached to your boyfriend with those loved up photos from Fiji. We need to know what happened so we can get over the break up too.
And lastly, stop with the perfect mumma posts. I don’t think anyone really believes your kids are perfect, you’re perfect or your house is always that spotless. Relax your tits lovely, life is more enjoyable that way.
Fi xx