Episode 8
TOOT TOOT MUDDAPLUCKERS!
I tell ta, I'd rather staple my nips to the floor than participate in the Photo Wall of Farkery #nicenipcarpetfi. Here's the Update for Trash Bags, ep 8 on the Trash Train that is Married At First Sight Australia
It's Confession Week Part 2 and I must admit to yawning when Expert John reminded us "Confession Week is great for fast tracking couples". Yup. He even said it with a straight face! #logieforjohn
We gloss over Desidre Chambers Jeff placing What A Coincidence Rhi top of his Photo Wall of Farkery #tooniceforairtime and head straight over to Twenty to Life Jamie and the BFG Dave's house for their Ex Files task. Jamie has learned to never let a partner 'dim your shine' and won't be with anyone 'who doesn't find me funny". The BFG Dave loved that for her and laughed on cue. Dave doesn't want to know anything about Jamie's ex so Jamie gushed "because you care, you want me to have your babies and be your dogs mum" #jamieanddavesittinginatree
We move to Awhina Warrior Princess and YO Adrian's room just in time to see her confess to cheating on her EX. Oooooh Yo Adrian was all "no excuses!" and kept cutting her off "no buts!" When she tried to explain "well a lot of others wouldn't admit it on here" Yo Adrian spat back "yeah, because they'd look like a shit person"
Yowza
You see, Yo Adrian has "never cheated" and can't stand the idea of someone who has. Oh hang on a tick, a producer came barreling down the hallway to speak to him "were you honest in there? I've seen your application" #dadadaaaaa Oh Yo, you little hypocrite. He tried to explain it away “yeah but it wasn't a boyfriend/girlfriend thing sooooooo" Oh mate #semantics #what #wewereonabreak
What a Coincidence Rhi aced her letter to Deidre Chambers Jeff so once again #noairtimeforyou We racked off to the hot mess house of I Complete Me Jacqui and Jacqui With A Peen Ryan for Jacqui's letter reading. Yup. Jacqui wanted to show Ryan "the value of what he's getting" and wrote a love letter about...herself.
Loooord. Jacqui read out her C.V with additional notes of interest "I won't rest until I've made 500 million dollars" Wake me up please, I must have fallen asleep on the Trash Train and woken up at Pisstake Town station. This chick can NOT be fair dinkum. Ryan tried to explain that a weird elevator pitch probably wasn't the best way of trying to "emotionally connect" and Jacqui, totes missing the mark again, turned "You're attacking me right now. The way you communicate is toxic" Hahahaha WTAF?
We whip around and gently prod Greg Evans Tony awake as he was supposed to be listening to DJ Morena speak #likealot Twenty To Life Jamie showed her Jagger moves to an appreciative Dave before watching her audition tape of hilarious red flags. Oh yeah, they jumped on the Train at Sexy Town tonight too and jumped off at Multiple Times Town Station. #goodtoknow
Awhina wrote a letter to Yo Adrian about her kid and Yo Adrian ummmm....didn't write a letter "I didn't want to share anything...I have no secrets" Come on mate, I get not wanting to overshare on national telly, but just write something like "I have a genuine fear of apples and wee when i see one" would have sufficed. Come on, play the freaking game Yo, we all know these challenges are sht. #applesarethebombyo
Back over at Hot Mess House, I Complete Me Jacqui decided to give a peace offering to Ryan in the form of a 'Couple Goals - Financial Goals for Couples' book. Hahahahaahahhahaha faaaaaaaaaark #book2001
I left a dumbfounded Ryan as I had to go and give the ‘ best participant tonight’ trophy to clear winner of Confession Week, Baby Reindeer Billy. Yup Billy boy refused to rank any of the women and just put Reality Retread Sierah on the wall as he's "only here for one person" Yes mate, that is EXACTLY HOW THESE CHALLENGES ARE DONE #littletrophyforyou
Down the hall Dance Teacher Ashleigh was wincing as Garfield PJ's Jake declared he'd be 'honest and truthful' for his photo wall. Jake gave a running critique with every photo "Jacqui - crazy eyes. Awhina - not racist, but I normally date caucasian women. Morena - too old for my comfort range, Sierah - intimidating and would stab you in your sleep. Rhi - lazy eye, pretty I guess...Carina - pretty and she knows it" before putting Ashleigh in 4th place. And I swear I saw a couple of producers in the back high-fiving Jake's words.
Jake expected a guffaw from Ashleigh in appreciation of his humour and….No mate.
Was it sht? Yes, yes it was. But before everyone loses theirs, I think Jake wasn’t intentionally competing with Deeply Discounted Tool Tim for Tool of the Century. I think he was trying to be funny and completely misread the room. I think he’s a guy who simply tells it how he sees it without fully understanding the consequences of his words/actions. That’s how I'm leaning, but you do you boo.
Ashleigh was upset and 'accidentally got drunk' later that night and told Sierah all about the Photo Wall of Farkery scandal. Yup, instead of just giving Jake a savage pull through, she went for the #dramallama.
And if you don't think we just witnessed the missiles taking off for the 'all in pile on' for the Couch of Farkery....you're dreamin'.
It's a formula and tag, Jake's it for Sunday
And that's all she wrote
Fi xx