Episode 24
TOOT MUDDAPLUCKERS!
Bombs away! Here's the Update for Trash Bags, ep 24 on the Trash Train that is Married At First Sight Australia
It's the Dinner Party #fightnight, and before we get to the yelling, let's check in on our little Calamity of Douche Canoes.
Jacqui with a Peen Ryan missed out on leg day at the gym by using his testosterone on I Complete Me Jacqui, while in other news I don’t care about, Awhina Warrior Twincess is happy with her newly enunciating vibrator, Yo Adrain And no, 'Adrain’ is the correct spelling from here on in.
Int It Beth wants an apology from Ryan after he apologised to Teejay for something she should apologise to Ryan for saying. Ya got me? #fcknapologiesforeveryone
Speaking of wanting apologies, Twenty to Life Jamie wants two of them. Yup, Jamie wants an apology from Carina and What A Coincidence/Look at My Shoulders Rhi for "not coming to my support" during the whole 50's Housewife Lauren 'you're a troll/boring/fckn losers' and UpperCase Clint yelling "sit the FCK DOWN" palaver at the Couples Retreat.
Carina and Rhi were changing their knickers every five minutes just from the thought of going to dinner with Jamie. And look, I'm just going to throw this out there: All three chicks were freakin' ridiculous for leaving this whole thing to fester for the Dinner Party, and I was disappointed. Am I going to waste my night watching what happened? #yupalittlebit
The Big Friendly Giant was all "there didn't have to be a divide if everyone stood up for what's right," and Jamie was cranky: "Who the fck are my friends?" Well Jamie, glad you asked. I can answer on behalf of two people, mate—Uppercase CLINT and 50's Housewife Lauren. Yup, these two don't rate you in the fcking slightest and have decided "in an unprecedented" move to boycott the Dinner Party. "Jamie will have her batteries charged to be screaming... I have absolutely no desire to be in a room with that little troll again." Gosh, Lauren, you are so sweet. I think you should open a corporate giftware company and go on MAFS to promote it. #howsthatworkingforyourbrand
So in other words, the bombs were dropped from a great height #offahorse by Lauren, and she didn't want to be around to see the damage when they landed. Soz, that analogy was sht, but I think you know what I mean.
The Experts hung out in the Voyeurs Room of Farkery, watching the riff-raff walk in while Lauren and UpperCase called in takeaway. Sheesh, and here I was thinking Lauren would have been a good housewife and made a three-course meal. #goodhousewifewouldcookfromscratch
I'm just going to skim through this next part again so I can get straight to my favourite Visa Holding Waiter:
I Complete Me Jacqui arrived with a "we're the best couple on the show," and Int It Beth launched straight into a "where's my apology, Ryan?" Ryan competed with Yo Adrian for the most awkward mumblefck by way of response: "Yeah... blown out of proportion, soz, I'm just..." #chocolatestarfishpuckeringboy. Beth returned serve with her apology, and all was semi-okay in the world. #seminotfully
Rhi and Carina attempted to get confidence from each other, with Rhi saying, "It's one big kerfuffle... Jamie makes valid points; it's just offensive." #notexactquotebutmehhh. Carina added, "Yeah, she was cornering a girl."
OK, so here's the thing, and it's only my thoughts: Lauren created this and hoodwinked these two with the whole tampon-in-the-eyes crying game. Two minutes before the tears, Lauren was all, "They're all fckn losers/bored/bogans." #bombsaway
The Experts noticed the girls were uncomfortable, and Expert John thought on it: "Jamie's always been a key member of this group who keeps the peace and gives out advice." Melania Alessandra piped in, "Jamie feels she deserves to be checked up on. She's been proactive and has people's backs when they're having troubles." Yes, John and Melania, thanks for your input. So far, Jamie has been exactly that—the caller of bollocks—and I have been #teamjamie.
Jamie and Dave arrived and made a beeline for the bar, telling Teejay: "Lauren was being so rude, and her husband told me to STF down, and no one said anything!" Was this perhaps another opportunity for the three chicks to get together and smooth things over? Nahhhhhh. #itsmafsdinnerpartymuddapluckers
Nek minute, I raised my pom-poms and cheered for our mate, the Visa Holding Waiter, who walked in, clinked a glass, and said, "Zeeeee Dinnnnnner is Seeeerrrrrrved." Hang on a tick, was it a different guy, or do I #gottagotospecsavers? Everyone noticed Clint and Lauren weren't there but figured Clint was just doing the laundry with his wife. #ooohitdoesgetin
Before they were seated, Jamie slipped outside to chat to us: "I 100% am expecting an apology. If anyone defends their behaviour, the friendship is done." Running back inside to take her seat, Jamie looked up, and it was on like #donkeykong.
And here's the crux of it: Jamie explained to the table, "I am a tough bitch. I'm strong, but my heart is big, and I'm super goddamn sensitive. What should be clear is that I rally for my friends, and loyalty is the backbone of all my relationships." She went on to explain that Lauren's rudeness and CLINT'S swearing left her stunned that no one stood up for her, especially Rhi and Lauren. Jamie is a 'ride or die' friend and doesn't understand those who don't have the same attitude.
This is where it got really fckn messy. Jamie yelled, Carina yelled, Jamie yelled louder, Natural Empath Veronica stuck her head in, Jamie yelled, Veronica yelled, Jamie dibber dobbed on Veronica to One L Eliot for gossiping to Lauren, Eliot got the dirts, Carina said Lauren was "ambushed," I said "Lauren would be stoked watching this," Jamie yelled, and the friendship was fractured. It went on... and on.
While I'm a fan of Jamie and understand her philosophy on friendships—and agree wholeheartedly with her being upset about the way Lauren was to everyone—everyone doesn't have to react in the exact same way. Would I want to be friends with Jamie? Sure, 'cause I know what I see is what I get. Would I want to be yelled at when a discussion could be had? #absofcknlutelynot.
'Cause the louder you yell, the less people listen.
Rhi was a quivering mess by this stage but spoke really well: "I'm sorry I made you feel like that, I truly am. I am apologetic; I should have said something then and there. I do take time to process... I've never had Lauren's back the entire time, BUT I'm really sorry I hurt you in that moment when I didn't stand up."
Rhi right there showed how things can be defused by someone who is calm. Would I want to be friends with Rhi? Sure, she's logical, calm, loyal... and has a great collection of off-the-shoulder shirts and dresses I could borrow. #offtheshouldersareus
Jamie accepted the apology: "Bingo!" and this is where it probably should have ended, but no. Jamie kept going, and Carina cried outside: "I'm a family girl, and I wouldn't raise my children to speak like that... it's just not me."
Honestly, I need to go to bed as my ears are still ringing.
Jamie, I said love, I said pet, I said darl, you are the ride-or-die chick, and we love you for it, but tonight was a bit much. I know it's all about loyalty, yada yada... but sometimes chicka, you just need to take a breath and stop fckg yelling at everyone.
Again, the louder you yell, the less they listen.
And that was all she wrote.
Fi