Episode 25
TOOT TOOT MUDDAPLUCKERS!
Here's the Update for Trash Bags, ep 25 on the Trash Train that is Married At First Sight Australia
Well, the friendships are boganically cracked. Twenty To Life Jamie was still fumin' with Carina but wasn't "proud of my behaviour." Carina, in turn, didn't "like Jamie's presence or aura." Oh dear, it appears that 50's Housewife Lauren's stirring of the pot actually worked. And can I just say, that was literally the only pot I saw you have a hand in cooking, so housewife shmousewife. #betyougethellofresh
The question on everyone's lips was, "Will Lauren and UPPERCASE CLINT come tonight?" Honestly, the images that question threw into my mind was all kinds of wrong. #maybethatswhattheyneeded
THE COUCH OF FARKERY
The mob arrived, and Lauren and CLINT pulled a DJ Morena-style entrance by walking in after everyone else was seated. #dadadaaaaaaa These two were first up on the couch.
50'S HOUSEWIFE LAUREN AND UPPERCASE CLINT
Ok, so I swear Lauren went onto Chat GPT earlier and typed in "give me a list of insults that will make me look like a twattytwatwaffle with a superiority complex." Yup, and it delivered in spades.
"Start out with 'we should have bought those zoo feeding pellets to keep them quiet.' This will infer they're all animals. Say it with a raised eyebrow for maximum effect." Far out Lauren, ya kill me.
Lauren explained she had her "own Dinner Party" with CLINT, who piped in, "'cause our standards and values align." #pipedownchachi These twofind the mob "embarrassing."
Lauren told Expert John she was "attacked" on the Girls Night as she was "asked questions about CLINT... and I didn't want to talk about things that weren't positive." Sooooooo... I'm guessing CLINT isn't a positive thing in your life then, huh?
Lauren continued, "I felt shut down, and that's when I started to cry and needed tiny eye tampons... especially when THAT lady (Jamie) was flapping her mouth a lot of the time." #insultsviachatgpt.
Jamie roused, "You were rude to us!" and Lauren told her to "SHUT UP, Jamie, for God's sake," while CLINT repeated his mantra, "STFU Jamie."
Ummmmm, that's when the Experts jumped in and... just kidding, they didn't, as they knew Lauren had paid for the premium version of Chat GPT and had more insults listed: "boganic behaviour/psycho/animals/I'm sure you don't get invited to a lot of parties, YO Adrain/do we have a curtain we can pull across?/Pipe down!" Sheeesh! Finally, the Experts jumped in for Smackdown 101.
Here's the quick convo of Smackdown 101 #asirecall:
Expert John: You talk as if you think you're above them, Lauren.
Lauren:I would not behave like them! I'm just shy!
Expert Mel: There's a difference between shy and being rude and disrespectful. You're giving yourself too much credit. You're being passive-aggressive. Can you take accountability?
Lauren: Sure. *whispers to us* "Hahahah, not even a little fckn bit."
CLINT suggested they'd explore catching up in Tassie, and FFS, dude! She. Can't. Stand. You. Come on, CLINT, we all know she's going to stay in Brissie and write a book called "A Boganic Guide to Stirring the Pot on a Reality Show - A Mean Girl's Guide," which will become a least seller.
And Lauren, I said love, I said pet, I said darl. Stop trying to make #boganichappen. #itsnotfetch.
Both LEAVE with Lauren adding another barb: "LEAVE -ing the zoo." #offyoufck
They stood up and walked out to avoid being hung, drawn, and quartered by the itchy mob. Outside the door, Lauren stopped and looked at her last AI dig on her post-it note: "They're literally crazy." #potkettle
YO ADRIAN AND AWHINA WARRIOR PRINCESS
These two are happy and talking about their "next moments." #yawn. After 30 seconds on the couch, we were reminded they'd made up and boofed "within 24 hours." Yup, all the bad stuff from Yo Adrian had completely disappeared, and Awhina was happy.
Now, I hate to say this about a fellow chick, but Awhina, are you #peenstruck? Is your foofa doing the thinking for you? Think with your head, not your #foofa.
BOTH STAY
I COMPLETE ME JACQUI AND JACQUI WITH A PEEN RYAN
These two started off normal until Jacqui told the Experts how Ryan had complimented her on her most important attribute: "my intellect." Yup, her intellect rarely gets noticed because of how "hot" and "model” like she is. Hahaha. #jacjacjacqui.
In the next breath, she told the Experts about the "no sex before the gym/testosterone" palaver, and Sexpert Melania Alessandra had something to say about that: "Why would you not just pleasure her? What's up with the modern man? Where did he go?" #hewenttothegymwithfulltestosterone. Ooooh, Alessandra, I do believe you're having a bit of fun tonight with a #cunningplan.
Ryan was confused, Jacqui did her #jacquicry, which confused Ryan even more, and I'm just gonna leave these two right there in #wtfland.
BOTH STAY
ONE L ELIOT AND ACTRESS VERONICA
Veronica explained she'd been "holding back in certain areas" of her personality as she didn't "want to overwhelm" Eliot. Eliot asked, "So... you're saying we got along on the retreat 'cause you changed your personality? I feel like I'm here with someone who doesn't really like me."
And yes, Eliot, I think you're right, and why do I feel for him now? Was Eliot just #morelaurencarnage?
Expert John nodded at the "judged" Eliot and said, "So to sum up, a great week, but neither of you are feeling liked or desired... it's decision time, and I think I know where this is going." Yes, John, they'll leave. Aaaaaaand no.
BOTH STAY with Veronica adding, "I made a lot of adjustments that I thought were beneficial for my relationship... Maybe they're not. No more moderated personality." Ummmm, so that came across as a threat, so #lookouteliot.
WHAT A COINCIDENCE/LOOK AT MY SHOULDERS RHI AND DEIDRE CHAMBERS JEFF
Look, nice couples don't get airtime, so were they nice? Yes. Do I like them? Yes again. Will they keep skimming over them for being nice? #probs #noairtimeforyou.
BOTH STA
REALITY RETREAD TEEJAY AND INT IT BETH
I feel like this whole couch session was just to get more than three seconds on the couch. Apparently, these two boofed a few weeks ago and haven't done it since. This made Int It Beth feel like Tee Jay wasn't attracted to her. Tee Jay "slaps her butt," though, and mehhhhh sort it out. I find it really weird that someone can boof once and then sleep in the same bed and not boof again for weeks. Blah...
BOTH STAY
CARINA AND PAUL
Carina explained #albeitslowly the whole "Mean Girls 2.0 environment" and how she doesn't "stand for it." Jamie instantly fired up: "I'M a mean girl? I can't be a part of this. So frustrated. Jesus Christ!" I think none of us really want to be a part of this Friends at First Sight carry on either, but here we are.
Carina went on to apologise to Jamie: "Sorry if I offended and hurt you... I don't want animosity; I was just trying to make everyone be friends." And that one sentence would have probably stopped Jamie from going off the deep end a few days back.
Carina then went on to say, "I was cornered last night/sad and uncomfortable/I felt less worthy/I'm not intelligent enough... I'm not confident or quick enough," and if this is how Carina genuinely feels, I feel sad for her. Carina was emotional about being the youngest of five and "how it's hard to be heard." Expert Mel nodded and congratulated Carina on standing "against the group... it took courage. Lucky you have Paul." Hmmmmmm, and speaking of Paul, how are those sessions you organised for him going, Mel?
BOTH STAY
TWENTY TO LIFE JAMIE AND THE BIG FRIENDLY GIANT DAVE
Now I just have to throw it out there: Jamie is no dummy and read the room upon sitting down. Gone was the mad-as-hell Jamie from earlier in the night who was not interested in forgiving or forgetting. #cynicalfi.
"I know I'm in trouble for how I conducted myself last night... yada yada... I'm strong but sensitive and come out swinging... I'm a Mumma bear defending her cubs... when I see bad behaviour, I call it out."
Expert Melania, on a roll tonight and switching from pleasuring women advice to calling out bears, jumped in: "I'm sorry to cut you off, Mumma bears don't do this to their cubs.... I can certainly see how your friends were intimidated and didn't want to step in." Alessandra then added a Spanish saying: "The road to hell is paved with good intentions. I don't doubt your good intentions, Jamie, but people need to have an opinion”
Alessandra then called out Lauren for being the true manipulator of mayhem. And there it was. This whole Jamie V Carina thing did my head in. Did Jamie handle it well? No. Did Carina handle it well? Also no. Did Lauren handle them? Absofckinglutely.
Jamie looked around, did a quick read of the room again, and apologised to Carina. Did I believe her and think her apology was genuine? I'd like to, yes. I like Jamie, but the switch was flicked very quickly.
Moving on to her relationship as this is quite literally called Married at First Sight, not Friends at First Sight #FAFS, Jamie admitted she'd told Dave she "loved him," and Dave, well, Dave looked uncomfortable. When questioned by Mel if he could potentially feel the same way, he sighed and said, "This experience, we've really done it properly. You can do this properly and not fall in love."
Ouch. The Big Friendly Giant Dave picked at his fingers nervously as Jamie said, "I want to own my feelings.... I am in tune with his feelings and understand what's going on...... I am patient and understanding."
Hmmmmmmm, I think the Big Friendly Giant just needs a Bex and a lay down. As do I.
By the way, if you're keen on coming to a long, long lunch in May, check out the link to the lunch in the comments below. Come along and have a few sherberts at a fab place so we can be Muddapluckers At First Sight. #MAFSbutnot
And that's all she wrote.
Toodlepips!
Fi xx