Episode 15
TOOT TOOT MUDDAPLUCKERS!
Welcome to Married at First Sight for the Second Time. Yup. Here's the Update for Trash Bags, ep 15 on the Trash Train that is Married At First Sight Australia
Guess who's back... back again... it's fckn One L Eliot, tell a friend #thathesaknob. Far out, the non-negotiable walking red flag is back... 'cause you know, the other 10,000 male applicants weren't available #sozbusy
Oh yeah, here's an interesting tidbit on Eliot: if you spell Eliot's name backwards and put a T on it, it spells TOILET. And yes, it's a lame tidbit, but I loved it ’cause he gives me the shts and he's ummmm... a backwards toil—ahhhh… never mind.
Over at the apartments, the mob were still in nervous giggles over I Complete Me Jacqui's WTF behaviour last night. Jacqui With A Peen Ryan wasn't laughing though as he wanted the truth #youcanthandlethetruth about the Text Message Scandal of 2025.
Ryan asked his future ex-wife about the text, who explained she was simply "reaching out for help" to Deidre Chambers Jeff. Hahahahha yup #anattemptedreacharoundmorelikeit Ryan, using his best therapist voice, spoke slowly: "I want consistency, Jacqui... this was a betrayal."
The Jacqmeister was having none of the pesky 'accountability’ sht they bang on about. "I'll be leaving today unless you improve your behaviour." OK Sybil... you can leave the experiment, but please take Jacqui too, yeah? Far out, you know it's bad when I'm looking at Ryan like he's almost normal.
THE NEW COUPLES - AKA THE MAFS RETREADS
The Experts told us, "For the FIRST time EVER, we have a reentry in both couples," and I panicked for a second as I thought he said, "rear entry." I was perturbed, I tell ya, perturbed! Expert John, keeping a straight face, told us, "One L Eliot may have abandoned MAFS, but we can't abandon Eliot." Well John, we could just abandon him.
The Experts also invited 50's Housewife Lauren along to have another crack at wedding cake.
Let's learn about their unsuspecting victims:
Lauren was matched with Clint, a 43-year-old professional golfer from Launceston. Clint lives in a big arse house by himself drinking red wine and singing #allbymyself with his wonder woofers. As perfect as that life sounds, he also wants to get married. On MAFS. Aaaannd maybe, just maybe, give his e-commerce business a bit of a kickalong #itjustlaunched.
One L Eliot was matched with Veronica, a 32-year-old actress who works as a fitness instructor in between auditioning for Home and Away. Veronica has "zero tolerance for bullshit," and laughs. Like, a lot. Oh dear, One L wanted someone in their breeding twenties, so I can see a "that's not what I ordered" moan coming soon.
THE WEDDINGS
Look, as much as I'd love to bore you to death with a long-winded account of the weddings, I can't be fkcd. These two rear entries already had their lengthy wedding paragraphs from me weeks ago, so... No.
They got married... again. #yawn.
Back at the Contra Apartments, the mob were at a publicity shoot. YO Adrian was punted from the #fancypants shoot so he went off in a huff. Arriving home after being papped sans Yo, Awhina's "Hi honey, I'm home! Yoo hoo!" went unanswered #yoyo
Yo, where was Yo? The apartment was ransacked, and Yo's wedding ring was on the bench. Holy shit, did someone kidnap Tyrion Lannister?
No. Yo had simply chucked a wobbly and left the experiment.
I shit you not. #ishityouabit
Awhina phoned Yo Adrian, who didn't know his responses were being filmed. Here's their convo #asirecall:
AWHINA:Are you coming back?
YO ADRIAN: NO... ddfsfg sddgsgsg dnkglnk gjkwefnlks gf hsdfkljjs disrespected ***subtitle translation***: NO, I'm pissed off I'm not in the promo shoot! It's disrespectful!
AWHINA: Not all hubsters were in it!
YO ADRIAN: I ashwegwjeg sdgsndgsd sdgsgsg sdgsdgsdgsdgg ***subtitle translation***: I don't care! This is a sht go for me. I had my teeth done, so no! I won't come back unless I'm in the promo.
ME: WHAT? You weren't here for love? Just for fame? I'm shocked!
AWHINA: I'll tell them I'm not happy!
YO ADRIAN: dsfgksgnjlksg sdglksdgjsdff ***subtitles translation***: It's disrespectful!!! beep beep beep (that was the phone hanging up, not Adrian).
Yup, that little fame-hungry tart hung up on his bride. Far out, I was so convinced the little poobah was on the show for true love. Pfffft!
Ho hum. I'm going to miss reading while I was watching MAFS #thesubtitles.
And that was all she wrote.
Toodlepips!
Fi xx