Episode 16
TOOT TOOT MUDDAPLUCKERS!!
It's the DInkwerrg sddgjsdgdjnlk fcksdglkwegrs! Soz, I got Yo Adrian to do the intro tonight.... Here's the update for Trash Bags, ep 16, on the Trash Train that is Married At First Sight Australia
It's time for the Dinner Party, so let's do our nightly round-up: Yo Adrian was still missing in action after being excluded from the "30-second promo" #withsubtitleswouldhavebeen45. Awhina Warrior Twincess Awhina and Baby Reindeer Billy woke up alone after finding out Reality Retread Sierah and Yo went out for dinner #ummmahhhh.
We touched on the Great Texting Scandal of 2025 AGAIN with What A Coincidence Rhi and Deidre Chambers Jeff. #wesawitffs Speaking of the guilty texter I Complete Me Jacqui, she gave Jacqui With A Peen Ryan a chess set #causesolitairewassoldout to celebrate them being "committed" while Sybil was at bay. Committed!! Hahaha, far out, they should be.
Twenty to Life Jamie got her perky norgs out in pink and down the hall DJ Morena and Greg Evans Tony were dressed as the War of the Roses. Watch out guys, the roses always have pricks around #prckseverywhere
50's Housewife Lauren told Elon Musk Clint how happy she was that ol' mate One L Eliot, the backwards TOILE T, wasn't going to be at the Dinner Party. Oooooh shocks are coming’! In some secret location far far away, One L was sorta, kinda, thinking his relationship with Actress Veronica could"work....so far."
While the others hitched a ride to the Dinner Party in airport pick-up limos, Awhina waited patiently for the surprise of Yo Adrian returning: "I srglgkhweg vfnkasjlk wife" ***Subtitles translation *** “I went home and now I'm back”
And look, I can't do subtitles all night, so I'm going to skim over old mate Mr. Mumbles Yo. Here's the gist of it: Yo interrupted the fck out of Awhina every time she spoke. Hmmm... it's funny how guys like him just speak LOUDER when they're wrong, kinda like this: "EGOIHEDG GEWLIJHAGEHJLI AERGGLIJHAQEF! I WANNA COME BACK!" #nopromoshootsforyou
THE ARRIVALS AND THE VOYEURS ROOM OF FARKERY
The Experts thought the 'rear entries' #reentries would be "destabilising for the group." Hahaha Expert John, do ya think? Isn't that what this whole second wedding bollocks was for?
The Calamity of Douche Canoes - and folks, not one fckn person has commented on my new fave collective noun #justsayin. Anywho, the mob arrived in a clash of colours, boobs, pearls and bare shoulders, and the Big Friendly Giant Dave's "heart hurt" when Awhina walked in on her lonesome
Awhina confessed Yo had left after the promo shoot after telling her to "pack my bags." And that, my friends, tells you pretty much all there is to know about Adrian. Who TF says, "right, that's it, I'm leaving! PACK MY BAGS!" What an absolute #bellend.
Baby Reindeer Billy walked in "so low" #itssoloyadckheads as did Reality Retread Sierah. Yup, Sierah, in a 'very demure, very mindful' non-attention-seeking dress #hellobumblebeeboobs tried to apologise to Awhina, who was all "nah, fck ya, do it at the table so everyone can hear it ya mole." OK, so maybe that wasn't a direct quote, but whatevs.
Yo Adrian mumblefckd his way through the room and attempted to crawl up Awhina's hoo-ha "smile, you look cuter when you smile" ***translations by Fi*** before sitting down next to Sierah. Dude no. You really can't be THAT desperate for your little online side hustle. Can you?
Nek minute, Lauren and Elon Musk Clint arrived to a chorus of "Yay! Justice for Lauren" before... ehhhhrrrrmeeeeehgeeeerd, One L Eliot the Backwards Toilet walked in feeling like a "million bucks." Yup #andlookinglike2bucks.
Then my long-suffering visa-holding waiter arrived: "ZEEEEEE DIIIIIIINNNNNER IIIIISSS SEVEEEEREEEEED!" #loveyoumanuel
THE DINNER PARTY
Deidre Chambers Jeff launched straight into Eliot: "Cheers to making it past 2 days, Toilet! Why are you here?" Fair point there, Jeff. Eliot tried to shake it off 'cause you know, he's Eliot. "I did her a favour!"
Yup. A favour. Lauren smiled and took the table through a list of her 'failures' for making him leave 2 days in: "Well, he said it was because I like handbags, I only wanted one child, I wasn't 25, only go to the gym once a week, yada yada." Yowza, Eliot, thoughts there big guy? Eliot did a weird laugh: "Nah, we discussed why we weren't right at dinner. You probs don't remember as you had 5 margaritas" ***Fi puts margarita jug down and feels ashamed.***
Elon Musk Clint yelled, "YOU'RE A FCKN IDIOT!" at Eliot, who ran outside to whisper, "hahah look at him! He's a stunned mullet!" before pulling a face like a weirdo. 'Cause you know, a Toilet can be funny too.
Yeah, nah... OMG! TOILET! He pisses me off and he shts me! His new nickname is so apt! Clint had another crack at Eliot to appear masculine to Lauren (and apparently Jacqui) before Actress Veronica interjected with that syllable seal clap thing: "DIS - GUS - TING! You shamed her, Toilet! Own it! No accountability!"
Quick intermission while they grabbed a new chair for the BFG Dave after he broke his ***elevator music plays.***
And we're back.
Did anyone notice Reality Retread #2 Teejay and Int It Beth have a habit of holding hands while his arm was around her shoulder to show us how into each other they are? Far out people, arms and legs everywhere. It's not Twister, you're at dinner, pick up a fork. #forforkssake
Aaaand then we had a commercial break for the I Complete Me Jacqui Show. Jacqui interrupted Ryan and asked him to recite "10 things you like about me... aaaaand go!" Ryan blinked #helpme and came up with "you made banana bread, you're fit and healthy and ummm."
So he thought of just two things before Casper the Friendly Ghoster Paul jumped in asking if they "truly see themselves together?." Jacqui sure did as they "take good photos together." I tell ya, selfies are indeed the best foundation of any MAFS relationship. Sweet Baby Cheeses, make them stop.
The table joined in on the Great Texting Drama of 2025, and Jacqui shushed them with an apology and a "I just needed a blonde male's opinion." GTF off my screen.
Baby Reindeer took the opportunity to address the "elephant in the room," and the Awhina V Yo Adrian's mumblefckathon leapt into action. Now, I have taken the liberty of not only translating Yo's conversation but summarising it too #thankmelater.
Awhina wanted an apology; Yo insisted, "let me talk" #pleasedont and kept 'talking' over the top of her, accusing her of "gaslighting" him. OMFG, just when I thought Eliot was the only one up there on the podium with Deeply Discounted Tool Tim, along comes Yo Adrian demanding a three-way. #goldallround.
When another bride spoke up to support Awhina, Yo was dismissive: "the problem with you females ***mumble mumble*** you deflect." Awhina was at "a loss for words," but sadly, Yo wasn't.
Jeff, the casual instigator of mayhem, asked about the Yo/Sierah dinner, and it was on again. Sierah apologised for sharing a "plate of meat" with Yo #hahameat and insisted it was “innocent”
Billy started singing the original version of ‘What About Me’ by the highly underrated Moving Pictures before being shushed by Yo mid-chorus: "I'm not finished! I can't... I can't... I can't talk." And mate, please say that again. Louder for the folks at the back.
Yo got into a bit of "Billy bro/ Don't come at me bro!" arseholery before telling the mob, "Billy asked for a wife swap." Far out peeps, make room on the podium.
Billy Bro, what were you thinking? I mean, yes, I can see you and Awhina together, but computer says no.
A producer hissed, "Sierah, NOW!" and she stood up and walked outside for a Jacqui cry #johnsonandjohnsonnotears. And 3... 2... 1... Go Yo. Yup. Predictably, Yo followed Sierah outside to the Cheaters Lounge to comfort her with words like 'respect' and 'morals.' Haha, he's freaking hilarious.
And to end the night on a true #dramallama note, Yo Adrian, desperate to appear in a 45-second promo shoot, leaned in to Sierah: "we should fckn do it. fck 'em both," and Sierah nodded... 'cause she wasn't sure what he said #justjokesjoyce.
And that was all she wrote.
Toodlepips!
Fi xx