Episode 4
TOOT TOOT MUDDAPLUCKERS!!
Well let's stop at Ridiculous Coincidence Town to pick up a few stragglers. Here's the Update for Trash Bags, ep 4 on the Trash Train that is Married At First Sight Australia Or as I like to call it 'Married at Second Sight for 25% of you'
Yup. 25% of the couples so far (and yes, I did Maths in Society and I can STILL work stuff out) knew each other BEFORE they met at the reality show altar. Gee, Deidre Chambers, what a coincidence #Murielswedding
Let's get amongst it at the Honeymoons. First up was Wannabe 50's Housewife spending her time cleaning One L Eliot's body hair out of her life #imgoingtowashthatstainrightoutofmylife. 20 to Life Jamie and The BFG Dave were cute AF having a cracking time on a super yacht doing the Titanic thing #theresroomonthedoorforbothofyouwhile
Reality Retread Sierah and Baby Reindeer Billy were snow ploughing in Perisher while Awhina Warrior Twincess and YO Adrian lubed up their bodies before throwing Love at a Second Second Sight Corina and Casper the Friendly Ghoster Paul the bottle of lubricant for their box ticking massage #passitover
Ewwww
And then we dashed over to Deeply Discounted Tool Tim, looking like a flaccid gangrenous willy in his green beanie. Tim decided to see exactly how much mental torment he could thrust onto Katie "It's not just looks...it's the whole package...I even like quieter women. Even funny ones..." This guy just fuc....Breathe in....breathe out....
THE MATCH UPS
We meet Jake, a 30 year old PE teacher...yup, ANOTHER PE teacher but THIS one wont have rocks thrown at him by an angry mob of MAFS watching mums at school pick up. THIS one is cool af with his Garfield pj's, quirky traits, loud shirts, and his love of love "I love love love!" Jake is ready to settle down and is hoping to meet someone exactly like...ummmmm....Ashleigh.
Ashleigh is a dance teacher looking for a "kind, loving, fun and quirky guy...I'm looking for me but in a man" Shut up and take my MAFS money, i'm digging these two
Next up we meet Deidre Chambers Jeff who wants kids and....look, everyone’s read the script so let's just get to it. Jeff is matched up with What A Coincidence Rhi, who the Experts assure us are the "Strongest Couple" in the experiment #youreterriblemuriel
THE WEDDINGS
Deidre Chambers Jeff killed time at the altar while What A Coincidence Rhi made her way in slow mo. Jeff turned around and Rhi was all "Oh. My. Gawddddd Deidre Chambers, what a coincidence!" I just rolled my eyes while Norman the Wonder Woofer farted at my feet out of boredom. Yup, they dated for a few months last year and they actually seem like a good match. BUT I DON'T CARE, YOU KNOW EACH OTHER
GARFIELD JAKE AND DANCE FOR ME ASHLEIGH
This is how a couple should be on MAFS because
A: They don't know each other
B: they're not influencers (please don't correct me if i'm wrong)
C: they seem perfectly fckng normal....in a quirky way
D: they seem genuine.
Jake stressed about his hair before smiling like a champ when Ashleigh walked in. They discussed normal things like Slim Shady the snake and why he couldn't attend the wedding, and Ash's love of nerds before getting whiplash from a rogue wedding veil. OK, so I've found my other favourite couple
We pretty much skipped both of their wedding receptions to check out which of the couples had rubbed uglies. Reality Retread Sierah giggled about seeing Baby Reindeer Billy's "willy" so yes, her box was ticked. Awhina Warrior Princess and YO! Adrian "connected" so yup, and Love at a Second Second Sight Corina and Casper the Friendly Ghoster Paul’s relationship "deepened" through the naked tango as well. Yup. Sexcapades aplenty on MAFS tonight
Aaaaaand then we had to sit through Deeply Dicounted Tool Tim's lesson on How to Gaslight and Torture women through an educational 5 minute video with Protect Her at All Costs Katie. Yup, Katie thinks "he's stuck in his own head" And yes mate, he is. It's right up his bot bot.
Moving on to another new drama, Awhina Warrior Twincess and YO Adrian were given a Honeymoon Question Box which was basically just a fast trek in creating havok. Naturally the question was about kids and YO Adrian wasn't sure "I don't know if I could love my kids as much as your kid" Now, he got that part arse up, but we know what he meant. He went on to further explain "I've never experienced this (someone with a kid) so I don't know" and Awhina was NOT happy.
Now before a lynch mob of single mums go mental at Yo Adrian, understand where he's coming from. They have literally JUST fckn met and he has no experience with someone having a kid. How could he know how he'd be? I think he was just being honest and he didn't run so.....#contractuallyobligatedtostay
And then we went back to watch the ultimate Ninja knobend, Deeply Discounted Tool Tim, monster Katie just a little bit more in his ripped skinny jeans... 'cause you know; no one will be happy until we see someone completely self destruct on this show. Katie ended up in tears "another rejection and the common denominator is me"
No mate, it's not you. It's the deeply discounted munter you left inside.
And that's all she wrote.
Toodle Pips!
Fi xx